If a woman introduces sex on a first date, she is said to be loose or not morally upright. If a man initiates sex on the first date, he is said to be a player who is in the relationship only for sex. When sex is introduced by the guy or lady after a few months into the relationship we tend to check
pre-marital sex as okay; giving explanations such as love or uncontrollable emotions. But, should we be talking about the timing of sex in a relationship or complete abstinence from sex until marriage?
Some of my counsellors, when I was younger, taught me that sex is a bad thing. They forgot that I was going to get married someday and discover that sex is a good thing. Sex is not a bad thing at all. In fact, sex is one of the most precious experiences of life. Some people like to think that sex in relationships is without benefits, but that is not totally true. Oxytocin release during sex is not restricted to sex in marriage. Premarital or extramarital sex is equally honoured with the release of oxytocin. The release of oxytocin helps to increase the bond between the two sex partners hence; sex in relationships is not without benefits.
Some people have high moral standards and only indulge in premarital sex with their one partner whom they intend to get married to eventually. If sex as in this case is done as an expression of love and with good intentions why should it be wrong? All thanks to the state of the economy, so many people of marriageable age still live with their parents. But, not having the means to marry has not stopped their sex drive from been alive thereby making the opinion to delay sex until marriage unrealistic. Additionally, thanks to condoms, what could go wrong when people indulge in premarital sex?
Hmmm!!! Sex is good indeed, but it could be an unmarried person’s worst nightmare when the timing is wrong. I know it is gradually becoming fashionable to engage in sex out of wedlock but we need to bear in mind that though we are free to choose our actions, we have no control over the consequences of our actions. Our world has attempted to outsmart the consequences of pre-marital sex by the introduction of condoms. Unfortunately, condoms have no 100% guarantees, so alongside the existence of condoms are the risks of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. When making a business decision, we do not contest the decision to neglect an action whose risk outweighs the benefits. So why should we be contesting abstinence from sex until marriage, knowing that the risks outweigh the benefits?
A child is a precious gift. But, a young girl carrying an unwanted pregnancy would beg to differ. The pain and fear that comes with the transformation of her beautiful flat tummy into a growing bulge is horrifying when the timing for the pregnancy is wrong. A special fear and terror equally comes with each day that her pregnancy remains while she is unsure of what to do or who to tell. No amount of love can justify the pain and shame of an impregnated young girl, so young men should please keep their trousers zipped up, and young girls should keep their legs closed.
To those who said sex happened because they couldn’t control their emotions, if right when you are about to get busy your partner says ‘wait! I hate to deceive you, but I am HIV positive, now that I have let it out let’s continue’, would you dare continue? I bet all the emotions will be washed out in a second. So I feel we should stop giving excuses and just delay the gratification of sex until marriage.
The ultimate reason we should abstain from premarital sex (a.k.a fornication) is that it is a Sin (1 Cor 6:9). I find Rom 3:8 an interesting explanation, ‘there is no good way to doing a bad thing’ (my translation). Someone may even wonder what if the bad thing was done in the bid to honor God, the Bible still insists it is wrong, and culprits will be judged. Hence, courtship is not an excuse for indulging in pre-marital sex.
Trust me all the hype about sex is overrated. The bikini wears and all the scandalous portrayal of sex are more of acting than the real deal. I am sure married people can testify that sex is not great all the time. Sometimes sleep is more desirous than sex especially after a long and tiring day. So stop allowing the decadence around to take advantage of your curiosity. Join me again next week as we talk about how to keep your emotions together while you delay sex until marriage.