1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents
Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser
Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)
Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system
Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier
Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent: “My name is Babatunde Johnson.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school
Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?”
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’
Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends
Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer
For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer
Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant
Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service
15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term
Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African
Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa. Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation.